So the night after the Asian Incident, Jocelyn is a big hoe bag and doesn’t shut the fuck up about the nastiness of my Asian Lover. So, I pray and pray to the Lord that he bestows on me the opportunity to seek revenge. And my prayers are answered, that very night.
To my dismay, we head back to the very same night club we were at the night before. Bangkok is a huge ass city, with a massive amount of night clubs and yet we end up at the very same one I had made a fool of myself at, only a mere twelve hours later. To say I was not pleased is an understatement. So, I opted to keep my drinking strictly under control as I did not want to embarrass myself once again, and especially not at the very same venue. I can only make an ass out of myself once per club. That is my rule.
As we ascended the staircase towards the entrance of the club, one of the staff grabbed my arm and shrieked “crazy drunk girl! crazy drunk girl!” Then he proceeded to cackle and cackle and..... cackle. I assumed that I had been remembered, which was most excellent and not embarrassing in the slightest.
We partied and danced, and came across two wicked cool British girls, who became good friends of ours on the trip. Their names were Jess and Emma. We soon became restless of dancing, and so decided to leave the club and go look for something to eat. Now Jocelyn is drunk, but has yet to do something that will tarnish her reputation in Bangkok. Until, we leave the club that is. MUAHAHAHAHAHAHA. Revenge is sweet. She leaves her scandalous behaviour for none other than McDonalds.
That’s right; Jocelyn engages in indecent behaviour under the golden arches, in good old Mick Dicks, amongst the creators of the Big Mac, in the grease kingdom of the fast food industry. Oh good old McDonalds, you have provided me with such good memories.
So, we decide we want some chicken McNuggets. So, I go to the counter and order the nuggets and as I am taking my money out of my bag, Jocelyn notices that they sell ice cream floats. Well Jocelyn starts going on and on and on about the stupid ice cream floats and asking the girl behind the counter a million questions about them when clearly she doesn’t speak a word of English. It went something like this:
Jocelyn:
“WOW! Ice Cream Floats”
“Are they good?!”
“I mean like do you enjoy them?”
“I mean like would you sit down and drink that float and be like wow that was a good ice cream
float?”
“How do you feel about these Ice Cream Floats?”
“I mean if you had to rate them on a scale of 1 to 10, what would you rate them?”
The girl behind the counter is clearly pissed at Jocelyn for speaking to her nonstop for a few minutes when she doesn’t understand. So Jocelyn is added to the McDonald’s employee’s shit list. So after Jocelyn decides not to get the Ice Cream Float, we sit down and start eating our nuggets. As we are eating and talking amongst our friends, two boys walk through the door. One of the boys is fat with spiky hair, and the other one is skinny and immediately takes his shirt off and throws it on the filthy McDonalds floor. He walks towards Jocelyn and maybe I missed something but I did not see any exchange of words between the two of them but the next second I look over and she and skinny boy are on a plastic McDonalds table top making out hardcore. Like pretty much having sex on the red and yellow plastic table.
The girl behind the counter is clearly pissed at Jocelyn for speaking to her nonstop for a few minutes when she doesn’t understand. So Jocelyn is added to the McDonald’s employee’s shit list. So after Jocelyn decides not to get the Ice Cream Float, we sit down and start eating our nuggets. As we are eating and talking amongst our friends, two boys walk through the door. One of the boys is fat with spiky hair, and the other one is skinny and immediately takes his shirt off and throws it on the filthy McDonalds floor. He walks towards Jocelyn and maybe I missed something but I did not see any exchange of words between the two of them but the next second I look over and she and skinny boy are on a plastic McDonalds table top making out hardcore. Like pretty much having sex on the red and yellow plastic table.
Now imagine what your average McDonalds looks like. Bangkok’s McDonalds was no better. Plastic tables, plastic chairs connected to the tables that swivel, ketchup dispensers, dirty white tile floor, overfilled garbage cans, plastic everything, glum workers who hate their job, and ultraviolet light resonating from the grease. And Jocelyn and a half naked Irish guy on a plastic table getting ready to do the deed. No condom? No problem, just use a bag from a McDonalds Happy Meal Toy.
It was RAUNCHY my friends. I felt like I was watching a cheap porno. But it was most excellent at the same time. Not only was the pissed off McDonald’s employee even more unimpressed with Jocelyn, but the entire restaurant was watching! I have never quite enjoyed revenge like that in my entire life. Jess and Emma said to me:
“Should you go pull her away?”
“No! Do you have a camera?”
So we snapped photos and laughed and laughed. And after a few minutes, Jocelyn and half naked Irish boy grew tired of dry humping on the plastic table and returned to their friend’s sides. We didn’t bother to learn the names of Jocelyn’s Irish boy, and we left a few minutes later.
You know what the best part of her making out in a fast food restaurant was? The fact that the McDonalds had cameras all around its lobby, and so the full make out session was captured for the future enjoyment of all of the McDonalds employees that missed the porno but heard all about it. Boy would I kill to get my hands on that tape and post it on YouTube. I think it would be a hit.
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