Okay, so don’t get me wrong. We did do cultural things in Thailand of course, and didn’t just drink twenty-four hours of the day, seven days of the week. However, in the grand scheme of things that shits boring in comparison to my wild caaarazzz-ay partay nights. You got me? So, in this blog don’t expect to hear about temples and Buddha unless I got drunk in a temple while praying to Buddha. Just thought I’d clear that up right now, because stupid people (obviously not you guys) keep asking me if all I did in Thailand was drink and why would I travel all that way just to get wasted all the time. And then I have to slowly explain to them that a big part of a vacation when you are young is partying, because clearly these stupid people lead very boring lives. That’s all I’m going to say on the subject of stupid people.
Alrighty, so let’s skip forwards a day to the day we leave Bangkok. So we had heard lots of shit from other travelers about the night train (which was our transportation) being a horrible experience. Apparently its crazy difficult to sleep on the train, and the ride is fourteen hours. So, obviously the only way to solve this no sleeping issue, is to drink until you pass out. Like duhhhhh. Clearly only Jocelyn, Vad, Brad, Evan, and I are geniuses because we did just that and as a result had a marvellous sleep. The three H.B.’s being their dull and unintelligent selves, decided to just go to bed and ended up complaining and complaining for the rest of their fucking trip in Thailand about that one single night on the night train that they had a horrible sleep.
So, what did we do?
We drank a couple bottles of whisky, played some music, laughed, conversed, partied, chilled with a ladyboy, learned a little summin summin’ bout our travel companions, and passed out on our bunks. It was good times my friends. I never thought I could have that much fun on a train. We weren’t really supposed to be drinking on the train, but that was easily taken care of. We just gave the guards some whisky, and they were happy to let us continue our partying. We were THE party of the train. Random Thai’s flocked to us and joined us. We even made friends with a super chill ladyboy. She was so nice, she lead my drunk ass to the bathroom and didn’t rape me. While we were all good and drunk, Brad (our guide if you’ve forgotten) told us something very interesting. He told us he was in a famous Canadian band, and that he had gone on tours, and was a big deal in Europe. I laughed and laughed and laughed a bit more. It had to be complete bullshit right? He kept claiming it was true, and Evan (the horny porno addict) confirmed his claim. But both Brad and Evan are fools, so you can bet that Jocelyn and I bugged Brad every single day of the trip trying to figure out if it was true. But, you will find out more about that later my friends. So, at after three or four hours of partying we got kicked out of the “party car” which was really just a train car with no beds. We were walking down a narrow corridor when
Evan at the front of the line, called back to Brad who was at the back of the line:
“Brad, don’t forget to buy a bottle of coke”
Brad turned around and said to a random Thai man behind him:
“Brad, don’t forget to buy a bottle of coke”
Evan said:“Brad I’m fucking serious.”
Brad turned around to the confused Thai man and said:
“Brad I’m fucking serious”
“Brad! Buy some fucking coke man!”
Once again the message was relayed back to this non-English speaking Thai man who’s hatred for white people probably grew exponentially after this moment.
“Brad! Buy some fucking coke man!”
I nearly died of laughter. Clearly Brad was a little bit drunk and we had successfully drunken ourselves into the appropriate state in which to sleep on a night train. Mission Accomplished.
Alrighty, so let’s skip forwards a day to the day we leave Bangkok. So we had heard lots of shit from other travelers about the night train (which was our transportation) being a horrible experience. Apparently its crazy difficult to sleep on the train, and the ride is fourteen hours. So, obviously the only way to solve this no sleeping issue, is to drink until you pass out. Like duhhhhh. Clearly only Jocelyn, Vad, Brad, Evan, and I are geniuses because we did just that and as a result had a marvellous sleep. The three H.B.’s being their dull and unintelligent selves, decided to just go to bed and ended up complaining and complaining for the rest of their fucking trip in Thailand about that one single night on the night train that they had a horrible sleep.
So, what did we do?
We drank a couple bottles of whisky, played some music, laughed, conversed, partied, chilled with a ladyboy, learned a little summin summin’ bout our travel companions, and passed out on our bunks. It was good times my friends. I never thought I could have that much fun on a train. We weren’t really supposed to be drinking on the train, but that was easily taken care of. We just gave the guards some whisky, and they were happy to let us continue our partying. We were THE party of the train. Random Thai’s flocked to us and joined us. We even made friends with a super chill ladyboy. She was so nice, she lead my drunk ass to the bathroom and didn’t rape me. While we were all good and drunk, Brad (our guide if you’ve forgotten) told us something very interesting. He told us he was in a famous Canadian band, and that he had gone on tours, and was a big deal in Europe. I laughed and laughed and laughed a bit more. It had to be complete bullshit right? He kept claiming it was true, and Evan (the horny porno addict) confirmed his claim. But both Brad and Evan are fools, so you can bet that Jocelyn and I bugged Brad every single day of the trip trying to figure out if it was true. But, you will find out more about that later my friends. So, at after three or four hours of partying we got kicked out of the “party car” which was really just a train car with no beds. We were walking down a narrow corridor when
Evan at the front of the line, called back to Brad who was at the back of the line:
“Brad, don’t forget to buy a bottle of coke”
Brad turned around and said to a random Thai man behind him:
“Brad, don’t forget to buy a bottle of coke”
Evan said:“Brad I’m fucking serious.”
Brad turned around to the confused Thai man and said:
“Brad I’m fucking serious”
“Brad! Buy some fucking coke man!”
Once again the message was relayed back to this non-English speaking Thai man who’s hatred for white people probably grew exponentially after this moment.
“Brad! Buy some fucking coke man!”
I nearly died of laughter. Clearly Brad was a little bit drunk and we had successfully drunken ourselves into the appropriate state in which to sleep on a night train. Mission Accomplished.
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